How emotions are made

We instituted a new bed time rule for my 10 year old that is effective, yet incredibly counter-intuitive.

For months, bed time has been a disaster -- a near-nightly carousel of meltdowns and fits and frustrated outbursts (for both parties). But I finally stepped out of my "ineffective dad-thinking" and into "Affective Teacher thinking." If this were a student, how would I apply my understanding of emotions (like anger) to this bedtime routine?

With that, a new rule: No physical play outside or downstairs within 60 minutes of lights out.

My old logic cringed: Shouldn't he be getting all his energy out and exhausting his body before bed?

But when we understand how emotions are constructed -- like anger -- we don't fall into old logic. Jumping on a trampoline, kicking a soccer ball, or running around all increase heart rate, spike blood pressure, and activate sympathetic nervous systems. These cues, especially to an ADHD kid, can be misread as, "We must be preparing for battle!"

He wasn't choosing to be grumpy about going to bed. His body was signaling that anger was the right fit for the situation.

Our "no physical play" rule has been a game changer. We've replaced the activating body cues with calming thought cues like reading together in bed, drawing, or doing a puzzle.

This is just one of the ways that Affective Teaching and the science of emotion has given me pragmatic strategies and tangible results -- as a parent and educator.

I figured it was time to get a little nerdy about it all, so I filmed a 10 minute video, explaining the three Affectors that build emotions. In it, you'll learn:

What we get wrong about the cause of emotions
The three main sources that trigger emotions
How simple shifts can create new emotions
Why environment matters
Why I hate window blinds

Question of the Week!

Here was my favorite Connection Question I asked my students this week:

What would your answer be? Email me back!

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